No regrets? (25/11/20)
This week my colleague Eilleen Cunningham has written a piece on regrets and a fabulous book by Matt Haig called The Midnight Library.
No regrets?
I have always recognised that regretting things in life that we do (or don’t do) is wasted energy. However, knowing it (logically) and actually stopping it are two different things.
As humans we have this wonderful ability to be conscious, not only of the present moment but also to be able to reflect on past memories and actions. Wondering how our lives might be different ‘if only…’ may be a source of relief, amusement or frustration. Even the smallest decision we made years ago may have created our life as we know it today. For example, I can still remember the split-second decision to buy a local paper from a street vendor twenty-five years ago in which I found a tiny advert for a job which then led to another job then another, meeting people who are still my good friends now and influencing my house moves.
As well as being able to look back on our past decisions we can also project our intentions into the future – to plan, to dream and to imagine. It has only recently occurred to me that we can also project regrets into our future. Regrets that the path we are on, the job we do, the place we live in or the relationships we have are already determined and limited may make us feel trapped.
If there were one word which could sum up 2020 I think it could be adversity. This year has tested and challenged so many of us in so many ways. And yet because of (not despite) this adversity many people have found the space to look at the daily regrets in their lives and turned them around. People have rediscovered creativity, minimised commuting, spent more time outdoors or perhaps reset their expectations of what they could realistically achieve.
It seems fitting that the book ‘The Midnight Library’ by Matt Haig should emerge in 2020 as a handbook for many people finding themselves at a turning point. You may have read it or at least heard of it, as it is very popular, but don’t let that put you off. The protagonist, ‘Nora’ is a young woman who finds herself at a low point in her life, regretting the things she could or should have done. She finds herself in a space between life and death – a library which contains an infinite number of books representing lives she could be leading. She has the opportunity to try the lives out (including the ones she regretted not pursuing) which led to an epiphany and a positive turning point in her life. It is reminiscent of the classic Christmas film ‘It’s a Wonderful Life’ with the same life-affirming effects. The book is an easy read which belies its underpinning philosophy, subliminal therapeutic effects and pearls of wisdom.
"We don't have to do everything in order to be everything, because we are already infinite. While we are alive we always contain a future of multifarious possibility" (Matt Haig, 2020)
We can learn valuable lessons about regrets from Ware’s ‘The Top Five Regrets of the Dying’ (*spoiler alert - one was ‘I wish I hadn’t worked so hard’). So as 2020 draws to a close, we may not yet have mastered another language, baked banana bread or home-schooled a genius but we did our very best because of, not just despite, the circumstances.
Practical tips:- · Being mindful and ‘in the moment’ can help us to focus our attention on the present rather than the past or future.
· Write a list of things you regret from the past and challenge your assumptions about how life might have been.
· Write a list of thing you think you will regret in the future. Identify alternative scenarios and choices you could make to change your assumed ‘destiny’.
· Read the Midnight Library and/or Top Five Regrets of the Dying.
· Access counselling or coaching to help you to explore alternative life-paths.
Thank you Eileen 🙂
Comments
Post a Comment